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Alee

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I don't know anymore. [19 Apr 2005|07:38pm]
[ mood | loved ]

I had a talk with the Tamsters. Very nice and "freeing", I guess I can say.

You see, I do drugs, I drink, I party and I'm not exactly the little Miss Virginity I was three years ago.

And Tammy knows.

How? She found out through my close guy friend that I'm into drugs and I like to party a lot...maybe too much, and he was concerned about me. And I appreciate that. Very much.

So, Tammy and I talked about it, and I've told her all my little secrets and she's actually cool with it. We are on a very high level of understanding right now...something that hasn't ever happened between us before.

She now knows, and I now have someone to confide in about almost anything.

Almost.

Should I tell her about my dieting? Or should I just leave that for me to know and her to never find out? Hmmmm...decisions...


And I'm sorry that these entries are so long...I know that not everyone has time to read these extra long entries that go on about every detail and what not, so I'll stop here and keep my next entries to a minimum.

xx

5 Faked It </3 Smile

[14 Apr 2005|12:01am]
[ mood | bitchy ]

Ok, it's been a while, and I'm thinking about changing my LJ name to something else...something that reflects me. Hmmm...I'll keep everyone updated, so, if you want, you can add that name to your friends list.

Whatever.

Met a guy.

Hott guy.

VERY hott guy.

Yeahhhh.

150 still. It sucks. Blah.

xx

Smile

For all you emo kids... [05 Apr 2005|10:36pm]
[ mood | blank ]

Hey there,
I know it's hard to feel like I don't care at all.
Where you are and how you feel.
With these lights off as these wheels
keep rolling on and on. (and on and on and on...)
Slow things down or speed them up.
Not enough or way too much. (and on and on and on...)
How are you when I'm gone?

And I can't make it on my own.
Because my heart is in Ohio.
So cut my wrists and black my eyes.
So I can fall asleep tonight, or die.
Because you kill me.
You know you do, you kill me well.
You like it too, and I can tell.
You never stop until my final breath is gone.

Spare me just three last words.
"I love you" is all she heard.
I'll wait for you, but I can't wait forever.

And I can't make it on my own.
Because my heart is in Ohio.
So cut my wrists and black my eyes.
So I can fall asleep tonight, or die.
Because you kill me.
You know you do, you kill me well.
You like it too, and I can tell.
You never stop until my final breath is gone.

xx

Smile

Small minded world. This is the destruction of man-kind. [26 Mar 2005|07:55am]
[ mood | anxious ]

Everyone should listen to The Beatles "All You Need Is Love" song. It's so true...

I can't stand small minded people. How many times have I said that? I just pisses me the fuck off how some people actually think that by degrading and belittleling people they can "change the world". Haha. Pathetic losers.

Anyway, Josh is finally out of the psych ward, just so y'all know. He's doing ok, and he's been going to rehab.

I really missed him while he was gone. You know, and I blame all the stupid close minded people for his suicide attempt. If it weren't for all those fuckers saying the shit they do, he never would have tried to kill himself.

Like my cousin's boyfriend.

He was always teased and shit by people because he was skinny, bummy and never had nice clothes...but see, he was practically homeless, so it wasn't his fault. But those people, and their stereotypical ways, pushed him over the edge and he blew his fucking brains out.

He has been missed, greatly.

RIP, A. M. Bartholowmew

Free show tonight, Maryz Eyez are playing, and I'm chillin' with my home slice, Andrea. Warped Tour this summer, it's gonna rock. My summer is completely going to kick ass.

Goal of 130 by April 9th.

Peace out my home fries!

xx

2 Faked It </3 Smile

[14 Mar 2005|07:48pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

I just got back from the tanner's.  It was torture.  The entire time ALL I smelled was the Subway next door.  And, being that time of month, cravings were more than I could handle.

BUT I DID VERY WELL TODAY!!!

I ate, like, 4 fries at lunch, but that's it.  I wouldn't have eaten that, but I had to make Steve happy.  Of course...

I'm boy crazy.

I love Steve.  I love Levi.  I love Sean.  I love Larry.  I love every teenage human that can stand on two feet and has a dick.  Lovely.

Boys depress me so much.  I think that's my major problem right now.  Boys.  They either make me soo happy that I want to eat to make THEM happy [example:  everyday at lunch with Steve] or make me so upset I feel that I need to drown my sorrow in food [example:  missing Levi so much].

Gah.  I'm gonna hafta make a choice here pretty soon.  I can't have all of them, right?  Hmmm...this will be tough.  I hate just being 'good friends' with someone who likes you and who you liked but turned down for someone else who you liked more. 

And now I sound like a shallow teenage brat.

Terrific.

If that sounds in any way shallow, it's not.  Really.  I can't type the situation to sound the way it is...I'm not a shallow person.  But...maybe, I am?  I dunno.  Whatever.

My Plan 3/14Collapse )

</em>

Peace out.

xx

Smile

Ok, I'm absolutely for serious this time. [13 Mar 2005|07:53pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

Alright.  I am starting the 3 weeks fast tomorrow.  A fresh clean slate.  I'm going to type my plan because I know that if Ican look at this everyday, I can follow it, instead of just having it in my head.  Some minor adjustments.  This is bound to change, but it's basically the "core" to my plan.  It all depends on my family and if they get "suspicious" of things...so, hopefully THIS is what I will be sticking to.  But, if I go by this plan, I won't be at my "ultimate goal weight" at the end of the three weeks, so, I will be continueing to fast until I reach my weight.  This plan is only for the next three weeks. 

Starting Weight:  140                          

First STGW:  135

Second STGW:  130

Third STGW:  125

March 14 - water/diet pop = 0 cals
March 15 - water/diet pop and a Boost Energy Drink = 300 cals
March 16 - water/diet pop = 0 cals
March 17 - lunch and dinner = no more than 800 cals
March 18 - water/diet pop = 0 cals
March 19 - water/diet pop and Boost OR salad = 300-400 cals                                                March 20 - lunch and dinner = no more than 600 cals
March 21 - water/diet pop = 0 cals
March 22 - water/diet pop = 0 cals
March 23 - water/diet pop and a Boost = 300 cals
March 24 - water/diet pop = 0 cals
March 25 - dinner only = no more than 400 cals
March 26 - DENNY'S FOR BREAKFAST = ??? cals
March 27 - water/diet pop = 0 cals
March 28 - water/diet pop and a Boost = 300 cals
March 29 - water/diet pop = 0 cals
March 30 - lunch and dinner = no more than 500 cals
March 31 - water/diet pop = 0 cals
April 01 - water/diet pop and a Boost = 300 cals
April 02 - water/diet pop = 0 cals
April 03 - lunch and dinner = no more than 400 cals
April 04 - water/diet pop = 0 cals

And now, for my WORKOUT plan.

can look at this everyday, I can follow it, instead of just having it in my head.  Some minor adjustments.

March 14 - 300 sit ups / 100 leg lifts [each leg]
March 15 - 300 sit ups / 100 leg lifts [each leg]                                                                            March 16 - 300 sit ups / 100 leg lifts [each leg]
March 17 - 600 sit ups / 200 leg lifts [each leg]
March 18 - 300 sit ups / 100 leg lifts [each leg]
March 19 - 300 sit ups / 100 leg lifts [each leg]
March 20 - 600 sit ups / 200 leg lifts [each leg]
March 21 - 300 sit ups / 100 leg lifts [each leg]
March 22 - 300 sit ups / 100 leg lifts [each leg]
March 23 - 300 sit ups / 100 leg lifts [each leg]
March 24 - 300 sit ups / 100 leg lifts [each leg]
March 25 - 600 sit ups / 200 leg lifts [each leg]
March 26 - 600 sit ups / 250 leg lifts [each leg]
March 27 - 300 sit ups / 100 leg lifts [each leg]
March 28 - 300 sit ups / 100 leg lifts [each leg]
March 29 - 300 sit ups / 100 leg lifts [each leg]
March 30 - 600 sit ups / 200 leg lifts [each leg]
March 31 - 300 sit ups / 100 leg lifts [each leg]
April 01 - 300 sit ups / 100 leg lifts [each leg]
April 02 - 300 sit ups / 100 leg lifts [each leg]
April 03 - 600 sit ups / 200 leg lifts [each leg]
April 04 - 300 sit ups / 100 leg lifts [each leg]

xx

Smile

She won't stop me. Put it down. She won't stop me. Put it down. She won't stop me. Put it down. [13 Mar 2005|11:09am]
[ mood | anxious ]


Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspiration Thinspriation God. I needed that. xx
Smile

Your lipstick, his collar, don't bother angel [13 Mar 2005|12:43am]
[ mood | awake ]

Ugh...I just went througha about six different backgrounds and I didn't like any of them, so I ended up pimpin' my LJ out in some confetti lookin crap.

Ok, enough of that...I ate six cookies today. Yes, SIX! I could seriously do some damage right now, I'm pissed. I don't know what I was thinking. I partied a little too hard last night and when I woke up I saw these Oatmeal Raisen cookies. I thought, hey, oatmeal's healthy, raisins are healthy...so these cookies are healthy! Cool! Yeah...

BUT!

I went to Allskate today, and skated for nearly 2 hours straight. WHAT a work out. Allskate seriously kicked my ass today. So, I'm thinking that with that workout at the skate rink, and the 600 situps I'm about to do, it should make up for it, right?

Maybe I should get a part-time job at Allskate. That's about 3 hours of rollerblading, 3-5 times a week. Not bad.

Today was the first time I wore a tank-top and let anyone see me in it since last March. It was tight-fitting and everything, but I was getting really hot so, I took off my sweater. Everyone told me how slim I was starting to look, and how tan I am. I think they were just trying to be nice, but it felt good. I think that the baby blue is what made my tan stick out.

I dunno, today I just felt...not thin, but just...pretty. I thought I looked OK. I resisted the food at Allskate, even though I love love LOVE their pretzals, I just refused. I took $30 with me, so JUST IN CASE I needed something to eat I could get it, but I didn't. I just bought a medium Diet Pepsi. Woohoo.

Then, my aunt took me to Meijers. And, normally, I'm not one to spend money on me. I might buy a new CD every now and agian, but other than that, I never spend money just to buy things for me.

But tonight was different. I spent the money that was INTENDED for food, on some make-up and nail-polish. It felt SOOO good. I forgot how nice it feels to treat myself to some cool stuff. It's been a while. But, I'm glad I did. I'm normally so cheap. Haha.

I'm feeling good today. Tomorrow, no food. And then Monday, probably lunch with Steve, as usual. Hmmm...he's so sexy. He has a "swimmer's body". Long and skinny, but muscular. Like Levi. I can't wait until he comes back. YAY!

Ok, kids, I'm out. I hope everyone is doing super fantastic.

You're as pretty as you feel, so I encourage all of you to go treat yourself to some lip-gloss or eyeshadow. You guys deserve it.

xx

2 Faked It </3 Smile

Yeah, keep on preachin' babe. [09 Mar 2005|10:37pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]

I can't stand close-minded people. I just can't deal with them. I was explaining to my friend Mel why I don't have a problem with gay marriage, or having sex before marriage, and she totally flipped her top.

Personally, I don't see anything wrong with a friendly fuck every now and agian. As long as you know it's meaningless, and you're not hurting anyone, I think it's fine.

So, because of that, I am going to Hell.

I think that if you're in love with someone, despite race, religion and, yes, even despite gender, you should be able to make your marriage legal. Love is love is love. It shouldn't matter.

And now I'm REALLY going to burn in Hell for that one.

Right.

Sorry, Mel, but you can preach to me all you fuckin' want, but I'm not changing my views.

It's not like I PUSH them onto you. If you don't want to know what I think, don't fuckin' ask me.

And as far as I'm concerned, if God didn't want me to think the way that I do, He wouldn't let me. God is all powerful, do you really think that He fucked me up?

Let's leave the judgements to Him, shall we? Even Christ himself didn't judge others, so WHY do you think YOU can? You're not God, sorry to disappoint you.

I have many strong opinions, and many MANY questions that I have. I will NOT back down from the way I think, but I won't push it on anyone. I will, however, defend my position and argue with you if I have to.

I am not wrong for the way I think.

Opinions and beliefs CAN'T be wrong.

I'm pissed. Sorry for that rant everyone, but I'm not putting it in my other journal so I can be bitched at by all the other "Christians" on my friend's list.

Peace.

xx

2 Faked It </3 Smile

*cough* Oh, I am SOOO sick!!!! [09 Mar 2005|01:07am]
[ mood | isn't there a "mixed" feeling? ]

I'm sick today. Sore throat, runny nose, fever; the works. I feel like shit.

I feel so thin today. No, not just thin...so pretty today. Everyone was telling me how tan and skinny I looked today...I was like...aww, thanks!

But the best part was when *STEVE* gave me one of those really long hugs, and he just held me. He said he wanted to kiss me, but I wouldn't let him because I'm sick. But anyway, somehow *coughcough* his hand found it's way into my pants...and no, nothing "happened" (it was in the side, not the front) but his whole efing hand was in my pants and they weren't unbuttoned or unzipped or anything! He said I needed a belt, so he gave me his...but it was still too big. AHHH!! His bullet belt that he doesn't let ANYONE where...and he let me where it...even though it hung low on my hips. I was like, "Ooooh, I think I'm in luh-uv..."

*sigh*

Peace out.

134 by next Tuesday.

xx

Smile

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